Everyone knows that patriotism in America is at an all-time high, thanks solely to President and Dear Leader Donald Jacknut Trump. In a desperate attempt to tamp down the fervor of red-blooded American patriots who revere symbols and traditions more than the values they embody, Representatives Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (Socialist of New York) and Ilhan Omar (anti-American immigrant, now of Minnesota) are teaming up to ban our sacred Pledge of Allegiance. Yes, patriots, they’re coming for our Pledge of Allegiance.
Ilhan Omar said she only pretended to recite the Pledge when she became a United States citizen, knowing that 17 years later, she’d be elected to the US House of Representatives and have the chance to ban the Pledge. She now admits that instead of reciting the Pledge, she mouthed the words to her native country’s national anthem and crossed her fingers behind her back, making her naturalization ceremony completely bogus and unenforceable.
Alexandra Octavia-Cortisone, on the other hand, claims to be a United States citizen, despite having a foreign-sounding name. She said, however, that after failing to remove the words “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance, she decided to go for an outright ban. Which is pretty funny, since the Pledge of Allegiance was written by a socialist minister and was intended for use by citizens of any country, pledging allegiance to any flag.
Now, Alexia Octagon-Cortex and Ilhan Omar have introduced a bill in the House of Representatives that would ban the public recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance in all schools, at all public events, and in any government buildings. Their reason? It’s a hollow pledge, written by a socialist, generic for any country (it was changed to include the United States after the original was written), and it excludes atheists with the words “under God.” Sandy Batt, renowned scholar of American history, said, “These women have a point. Why would we want a generic pledge? We should have a new one. Ooooh, let’s have a contest to see which new version gets the most votes on Twitter.”
Light up the switchboard at your Congressperson’s office, patriots. Don’t let the anti-Americans win.